


The Walking Sue

by Mishafer



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Deliberate Badfic, Parody, Satire, Writing badly is so much fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-15 18:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7233775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishafer/pseuds/Mishafer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darly meets a girl who will change his characterization forever. *PARODY*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before we begin, this is not aimed at all Daryl/OC or CC/OC stories, just the cliche ones we all know about. If your character has any of the traits Destiny does I'm SORRY I just pulled this all from the most commonly used ones. And cliches can be done well! I write OCs too so know I'm not an OC hater uwu.
> 
> This is a WIP so more will eventually come I guess.

Destiny Artemis Wildflower was born in Georgia somewhere, maybe also wherever Daryl and Merle were from. So anyway, she learned to fend for herself because her family sucked and she was probably abused and maybe even raped. She's a feisty gal and takes no shit. She is earthshatteringly beautiful with sparkling blue orbs and wears tank tops and boots. And she knows how to shoot a gun. Surely, Daryl will be impressed.

One day, Daryl is out with his crossbow being a hot redneck when he stumbles across Destiny and her flowing wavy brunette hair with natural highlights and many guns and oh yeah she has a dog, no, an actual _wolf_ , named Parker.

"Wh' ya doin' ou' her' gurl?" Daryl says in his thick Georgia accent redneckishly.

"Being all by myself! But I like it that way!" Destiny says, her large breasts swaying in the wind. Parker barks. "I've been alone my whole life!"

"H'ly shit, w'll ay c'n take ya back ta mah pris'n 'r Alexn'dria n' may'be we c'n fall'n luve?"

"What? There's too many apostrophes and phonetizations in your dialogue, I can hardly make sense of it. I know you have a Southern accent."

"Oh, sorry." He clears his through sexily, but in an emotionally closed-off manner. "I've never loved anyone 'cause I was abused and stuff but I think I could love you now."

"But we have to be at odds first because you're still mean."

"Oh yeah. Well come on damnit before I change my mind, woman!"

"Oh, Daryl!" Destiny yells Mary Sueishly and runs over with her wolf who now loves Daryl too. "You're such a bad boy, but I can get you to open up to me!"

Suddenly, a walker appears. "BLAAAHHHH AHHHH!" it moans.

Destiny's wolf jumps and takes a bite out of it just as Daryl shoots it and Destiny stabs it with pin-point precision through the head.

"Wow, you're amazing with a knife," Daryl says crossbowishly.

"I know," Destiny says while having large breasts but a flat stomach and round thighs. "But I'll still sprain my ankle on the way back to the prison."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go motherfrickers

Destiny had settled into... oh let's say Alexandria to keep things current, and things were going ultra romantical with the previously non-romantic and closed-off crossbow-wielding redneck. Oh, but he was still a pain in the ass sometimes! Argh!

So after one whole day together, she graced him with her porcelain touch.

Daryl is crying sexy manly tears after his and Destiny's insane lovemaking where he made her a woman and healed her of all past trauma and sadness with his 9.5 inches of penis. She had also been very tight because no woman in fan fiction ever has a vag that is not like sticking your dick into a Chinese finger trap.

"Destiny!" Daryl cries as she runs her hands across his abuse scars which he now likes to be seen and touched. "You've been able to break down layer after layer of my redneckish anger and walls within days! It took Rick, Carol, and Beth years to get there! How did you do it?"

"It's because..." She gets up, putting on her lacy red underwear and push-up bra that makes her boobs look huge, black tank top, tight skinny jeans, and tons of holsters to carry weapons that she uses with military precision and accuracy. "I'm immune!"

Daryl jumps up from the bed. He had a big penis and a hot angel wing tattoo. "WHAT!?"

"Yes! It's true! Somehow, with no explanation, I'm immune. I get bit every day and I never die from it."

Suddenly, Rick opens the door and covers his eyes. "OH FUCK Daryl I didn't know you'd be in here doing it with a girl you just met. Not like it's unusual for you though so I'm just gonna laugh at it."

"Lol sorry Rick." Daryl gets dressed in his dirty clothes because he never bathes. But he still smells good and arousing.

"So anyway," Rick continues, "there's a horde of walkers threatening to break in! Destiny, I trust you with my soul now. Will you and Daryl majestically go save Alexandria? By the way... I think I'm in love with you."

Destiny gasps, making her huge bust heave. She sways over to Rick. "I... I think I have feelings for you too. But I'm with Daryl! Damnit, Rick! Since when did the apocalypse turn into a huge 90210 love disaster? What happened to the moral questions we face and doing what it takes to stay alive!?"

Daryl jumps on Rick and they fight over a girl. After everything they've been through together, they are now fighting over a nice pair of boobs. But she's nothing like Andrea and Lori who also slept with or loved multiple guys just like Destiny. Destiny is perfect while those two are whores.

"No!" Destiny yells sexily. "Don't fight over me! I'm pregnant!"


	3. Chapter 3

A pregnant Destiny, whose boobs had grown to a DD cup with all the pregnancy hormones, (but her belly had a cute baby bump not a fat one ew) sat kneeling in the line-up awaiting Negan's exit from the RV.

"No..." she cries. "I'm too beautiful to die..." She holds both Rick and Daryl's hands.

"And after all we've been through these last few weeks... you're our family," Maggie or Rosita or Sasha says. They are best friends now even though they had hardly any interaction. This fic isn't just about Destiny's love for Rick and Daryl! She has female friends too!

Then, Negan comes out of the RV and begins his speech, but then STOPS when he sees Destiny.

"Holy fucking fuck balls, Negan says dangerously. "Who is this?" He points Lucille at Destiny. "Fuck, nevermind this killing one of you in retaliation for killing fuckloads of my guys. Give me her and I'll forgive all."

"Noooooo!" Daryl shouts sexily. So did Rick (sexily).

"But I have to have her!" Negan bellows. "She's the most intriguing, sexy woman I have ever seen in my fucking life! I have to make her a wife even though I don't know her name yet."

Dwight steps forward. "Uh... sir, isn't this kinda out of character for—"

"STFU, Dwight." He steps toward Destiny who is crying tears of pink glitter from her sparkling orbs.

Daryl is yet again crying too, tears dripping over his OMFG SEXY BICEPS. "Destiny..." he sobs.

"Destiny!" Negan yells. He kneels and starts serenading her. Rick and Daryl join in singing praises of the woman they love so much. Eventually, the rest of Rick's group joins in and praises their most valuable member.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is short but I watched the Negan scene last night again and bloody HELL.


End file.
